


Walk In My Shoes

by sabaceanbabe



Category: Battlestar Galactica (2003)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-09-05
Updated: 2005-09-05
Packaged: 2017-10-06 23:54:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/59094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sabaceanbabe/pseuds/sabaceanbabe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>Apollo's voice, strained by some strong emotion, stopped him.  "We're short on pilots, Lieutenant, and the fleet needs you.  But I don't trust you."</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Walk In My Shoes

Gods, how he hated seeing her like that, caged as though she were some kind of dangerous animal. The worst part of it was that he couldn't touch her, could only look at her through thick glass and heavy wire mesh, only hear her voice through the buzzing distortion of the antiquated handset.

Helo'd had no choice but to leave Sharon in that cage and all he wanted at the moment was to get back to his quarters and out of the dress grays. Never the most comfortable of uniforms, it was worse now, a combination of the stiff fabric, the constricting collar, and the fact that it no longer fit all that well, given the weight he'd lost on Caprica. A bitter and self-mocking smile crossed his face. Just as he no longer seemed to fit with the fleet, with the people he'd always thought of as friends and comrades.

Nothing was as it had been when he'd left. The world had fallen apart, Sharon - the woman he loved - was a Cylon locked in a cage that she might never leave, and it wasn't clear whether _he'd_ be locked into a cage of his own, even though he had done nothing wrong, done nothing that most of the others wouldn't have done, had they been in his position. Well, maybe not the getting her pregnant part...

His mind on other things, Helo rounded a corner and ran headlong into a solid object, the solid object having turned the corner at the same time, heading toward maximum security. There was a grunt of surprise and Helo, reaching out instinctively to help the other man regain his balance, met a pair of startled blue eyes.

"Captain Adama." He released Adama's arm, the wool of the gray tunic almost abrasive as his hand slid away. Unable to read the expression in the other man's intense eyes, Helo raised his right hand for a quick salute to a superior officer. Apollo brushed off his uniform tunic, but didn't return Helo's salute. Not in the mood to play games and knowing there were no witnesses to his small act of insubordination, Helo dropped the salute and stepped around the shorter man.

Apollo's voice, strained by some strong emotion, stopped him. "We're short on pilots, Lieutenant, and the fleet needs you. But _I_ don't trust you." Helo felt heat rise in his face and a sick feeling form in the pit of his stomach as he turned to look at the CAG, the specter of Sharon's cage fresh in his mind. "Your... level of involvement with that Cylon is a distinct cause for concern." Apollo clenched his teeth for a moment, working at what he wanted to say and Helo turned to face him fully. "On Kobol, I asked Kara how one of us could get so wrapped up in one of _them_."

Bristling at the derision in Adama's tone, Helo forced himself to unclench the muscles of his own jaw to respond. "And what did she say?"

"That you know she's a machine, but you love her anyway," he sneered. The words were thrown at Helo like stones but he remained silent, knowing that anything he said would only fuel Apollo's anger and contempt. But Apollo wouldn't let it go. "How?" He shook his head in bafflement and studied Helo with a kind of horrified fascination. "How?"

Blood pounding in his temples, Helo forced words past the constriction in his throat, telling himself that it was only the too-tight collar of the damned tunic. "Have you ever been in love, Captain?" He was foolishly pleased that the question was steady, that it didn't reflect the emotions boiling within him.

"What does that have to do with one of my pilots frakking a machine?"

Helo laughed bitterly, knowing the question was a deliberate goad, that Adama was looking for a fight. A fight that Helo didn't want. Not just then. Shaking his head, a smile stretched Helo's lips into what felt like an unnatural shape as he asked, "Do you think I wanted this?" He made an expansive gesture, encompassing everything in his frakked up life. "_Any_ of this?"

"I don't know, Lieutenant." Apollo cocked his head and examined Helo as he might have an insect. "I have no clue where your loyalties are. I don't know you."

"No, you don't. Just as I don't know you." Another bitter laugh and Helo continued, "Nor do I want to. Sir." The adrenaline rush of before had, thankfully, faded, but in its place remained only exhaustion and an almost desperate need to be someplace else. Helo closed his eyes, reminded himself that this was his CAG and that the man was Kara's friend. Opening his eyes, he again met Apollo's gaze. "But Kara cares about you, and for her sake I'll..." He bit his lip to prevent himself from hasty words that couldn't be unsaid.

There was silence between them for the better part of a minute, but then, having marshaled his thoughts, Helo continued. "You want to know how it could happen, Captain? How I could be so wrapped up in _her_," a nod of his head toward the direction from which he had come, the direction Lee Adama had clearly been heading, "even knowing what she is? Then ask yourself this: How would you feel if you discovered Starbuck was a Cylon?" He thought Apollo flinched at that. "What would you do?"

"She isn't a Cylon." The denial was flat, inviting no argument.

Helo smiled again, but the expression didn't reach his eyes. "How do you know that? She's been away from the fleet for a long time. Maybe she was replaced."

"Why are you doing this?" This time, Helo saw emotions other than anger and distrust in Apollo's face and he knew that he had hit his mark. This time, it sounded like Apollo genuinely wanted to hear what Helo had to say, rather than just goading him into a fight.

Responding to that, Helo's tense shoulders relaxed. "I'm just trying to make you understand, sir. I don't think things would be so clear for you, so black and white, if it were Kara in that cage." Adama's jaw worked as he bit back whatever it was he wanted to say and Helo continued. "I've seen the way you look at her, Apollo. Ask yourself what you'd do if it was Kara. Then maybe you'll understand."

The Captain's eyes remained steady on Helo, even as the blood rose in his cheeks, but he said nothing.

Not waiting for a response, Helo snapped Apollo a precision salute. Brushing past him for the second time, he felt the man's eyes tracking him until he turned another corner and removed himself from Apollo's line of sight.


End file.
